kiss.kiss.kill.kill.

i’m baaaaaaaaaaack.

Tue, 17 Jan 2012 22:13:24 -0500

[Flash 10 is required to watch video.]

i’m baaaaaaaaaaack.

depressed.

Wed, 23 Feb 2011 11:01:44 -0500

i haven’t been on here in forever. i just need to vent and get this all out somewhere..

i’m so fucking depressed. i just don’t know where to turn. i honestly came to the realization last night that no matter if things work out or if they don’t, i’ll be happy. i just hope i can realize which way it’s going to go soon because the way things are, i can’t take it. i’m so tired of being sad and feeling unappreciated and disrespected constantly. i want to be happy again. if things are going to get better, wonderful. if not, i have a lot of work ahead of me, but i think i’ll be able to handle it. it will be tough and i’m sure there will be a lot of stress and tears, but i’ll be able to push through. i would have to. i think i’d be able to honestly smile and mean it again.

i’m depressed because i want to be in school. it’s virtually impossible right now and it kills me. if i wanted to go to school for something that i could take online classes for, it would be so fucking easy. i want to do something hands on though.. cosmetology or culinary. i would love to be able to do either, but it’s impossible. i work 7-3:30 everyday and then i’m fulltime mommy from 4-6:30am. it kills me when i hear everyone talking about how much they love school and it kills me even more to see people waste their time and not give a fuck about it. i regret so much the time i wasted. i wish i wouldn’t have been a dumbass and went to school for something i wanted after dropping out of wilkes rather than becoming a bum. i hate myself for it and it’s something i’ll never forgive myself for.

i’ve been in so much pain lately. i try to do everything i can around the house, but it’s hard when you hurt so bad you can’t stand up straight. it’s shitty when you try your best to do what you can but it goes unappreciated.

i don’t know where to go from here, but i’ll continue to put on my happy face and pretend not to care.

needylesnicky: hxcfairy | thekick- |...

Wed, 06 Oct 2010 19:44:34 -0400

needylesnicky:

hxcfairy | thekick- | joaniesobliviousboobs | narcissistic-tendencies | et al | neverforgets

Sarah Silverman’s Message To America, On Gay Suicide

Photo

Mon, 20 Sep 2010 11:40:45 -0400

WARPED TOUR 2011 BAND ROSTER:

Mon, 20 Sep 2010 11:36:51 -0400

colormefaithful:

imnotthatgay:

dearmicaelacountmein:

kayteesometimes:

allysyn-:

holdmyloofah:

kirkenburger:

mikeboss:

These are the bands on the roster as of now. The roster will increase in time :D

VANS WARPED TOUR 2011

..Main Stage..
All Time Low (pepper spray not included)
Circa Survive
A Day To Remember
Flogging Molly
Isles & Glaciers
Jimmy Eat World
NoFX
Something Corporate
Snoop Dogg (i think it’d go over well and he’d fit in)
Rise Against
New Found Gloy
Devil Wears Prada
(Paramore, No Doubt, Sugar Ray, Underoath, and The Offspring each play 1-3 select shows throughout the tour)

..Hurley Stage..
Craig Owens’ new band (unnamed right now)
The Maine
Forever The Sickest Kids
Four Year Strong
Good Charlotte
Anberlin
The Adolescents
Say Anything
Bayside
Taking Back Sunday
Job For a Cowboy

..Hurly.com Stage..
Reverend Peyton’s Big Damn Band
The Gallows (they need to be on more often. they’re perfect for warped)
Norma Jean
Mayday Parade
Bury Your Dead
Rancid
Bloodhound Gang
Halifax
Big D and the Kids Table
Cinematic Sunrise
A Skylit Drive
Innerpartysystem

..Smartpunk Stage..
Hit The Lights
The Dirty Heads
A Rocket To The Moon
Sky Eats Airplane
Dance Gavin Dance
Scotch Greens
Flyleaf
Anna Smile (amazing! band)
Alesana
Ivoryline

..Ernie Ball stage..
The Dangerous Summer
Chase Long Beach
Farewell
Ice Nine Kills
The Sleeping
Watchout! There’s Ghosts
Thirteen Yards To Victory
The Strokes (would be cool honestly)
These Green Eyes
Minus The Bear

..Skullcandy Stage..
Cady Groves
P.O.S.
Hopes Die Last
Los Kung Fu Monkeys
Search The City
Show Me The Skyline
Smudge
Children 18:3
Flannel Mouth
She Screams Remedy
The Casting Out

..Kevin Says Stage..
Tonight Alive
An Evening With
We Are The Union (great ska/punk band)
FM Static
Good With Grenades
Old Crow Medicine Show
Hello Hollywood
Late Night Habit
The Monster Goes Rawrr!!
Stay
Y Stereo
Amplexus
Sailing To Rome
The Bay State
A Rotterdam November
Run Kid Run
Rushmore Academy

:3

If this is some kind of joke I will murder every single one of you.

well if this is true, i’ll be at the hurley stage all day.

If this is true, there is NO WAY anyone’s keeping me from warped this year.

oh my god this better not be a joke this is just amazing oglfkjsd;flk.

if this is true, I can die happy.

I normally don’t reblog these, but if this is legitimate, I will take going next year into serious consideration.

if this is legit, i’m calling off of work right now?

boiledbones: sailalong: teenagekatgirl: ASHLEY AND I DONT...

Wed, 15 Sep 2010 14:41:42 -0400

boiledbones:

sailalong:

teenagekatgirl:

ASHLEY AND I DONT CARE WHAT YOU SAY SAM ELLIOTT IS SEXY AS FUCKING HELL

i’d smash

yes especially in roadhouse

my mom fucking loves him haha

deadendkid: -partyontheinterstate: racheleigh: shipperfriendly...

Sun, 05 Sep 2010 00:35:50 -0400

deadendkid:

-partyontheinterstate:

racheleigh:

shipperfriendly:

neilgordongrayston:

its-louder-than-thunder:

anotherscream:

Reblog if you had one of these as a child.

I had like 5

i think i still have something like this actually

Oh my god, xD Yes!

I HAD THIS SAME EXACT THING

yesss

I had about 3

FUCK YES I DID!!

....ugh

Wed, 01 Sep 2010 20:17:46 -0400

i wish i didn’t feel like this all the time.. i wish even more that he never gave me a reason to feel this way.. i want to stop thinking all the time. i want to stop worrying. i want to just feel normal again..

i wish i knew when this would all stop..

wow..

Sat, 07 Aug 2010 22:51:59 -0400

last night was like nothing ever before. it was like the first time all over again, except it was even better than the original first time..

…the worst is over… <3

reposted here for the non-PRDers..

Thu, 05 Aug 2010 19:06:43 -0400

i’ve been doing a lot of reading about dealing with infidelity and i’m at such a loss. i don’t know what i want to do. i know it’s going to take a long time for me to make a decision at all, but i feel like everyone will judge me for this. i’m not saying yes i’m definitely going to take him back and i’m not saying i’m going to get divorce papers. i’m not saying i’m making a decision today and i’m not saying i’m making a decision six months or even a year from now. i always swore to myself that if this situation ever presented itself, that would be it - i’d be done. unfortunately, actually being in the situation has skewed my judgment. i’m no fool, that’s for sure, but how do you automatically turn your feelings off for someone who you’ve loved more than anything for the past three years? i can’t do it. i hate him so much right now but deep down i have such a deep love for him that i just can’t disreguard that.

i’ve been talking to him through text and on the phone.. we’ve been around each other in person and it’s still awkward. he watches Roxy at our house while i’m at work until its time for him to take her to our babysitters’ houses.. he hasn’t been staying there at night or anything. we talked a lot last night and i found out exactly what happened. he told her that he can’t do it anymore and that Roxy and i are his main piorities along with getting help with a lot of issues he has deep down that’s he’s had for a while. he’s going to get conseling and i think we may go see a counselor together as well. i want to be civil enough for Roxy so she doens’t go through the messy life of a child of divorced parents like my brother and i did.

my parents are understandably against any sort of communication with him. i try talking to my mom and it’s “don’t feel sorry for him” “move on” “he’s not worth anything.” she’s gone through a divorce from my father over infidelity. i understand her position, but i need support right now in trying to figure out where i go from this point. right now, my main goal is to be able to move past this and not let his infidelity define who i am. i need to be okay with this before anything else. i need to get past being depressed and sad. someday, i hope that he and i can work on our friendship at the very least. no one knows what tomorrow will hold. i just need to be at peace with my own decisions and i’m so afraid it’s going to cause another family rift which i do not need at this point in my life.

gahhhh!!!

Thu, 05 Aug 2010 19:01:16 -0400

i really hate the fact that my iud makes me wanna have sex really bad..

love is just a four letter word for lie.

Tue, 03 Aug 2010 14:06:38 -0400

well, after months of constantly trying to make things better between Nick and myself, it’s officially over. i found Facebook messages from Lauren, a girl who pierces at his shop telling him she loves him and can’t wait to see him and kiss him. he denied it, but admitted to being involved with her for two months once i was at my mom’s house.

i have never in my life been hurt even a quarter or how bad he has hurt me. lies. that’s all our relationship has been is lies. i don’t know if he was ever honest with me. i can’t trust a word that comes from his mouth. i talked to his mom for an hour and a half last night and she told me so many things he’s lied about that it makes me sick. i’ve had quite a few people tell me they’ve heard about him being involved with other people and weren’t sure if they should believe the rumors or not so they didn’t bother telling me. for as hurt as i am, i’m glad i found out the way i did. i have the proof. screenshots and all.

never in my life did i believe that he would be capable of hurting me like this. we both swore we hated cheating more than anything before we even had feelings for each other. he swore to me that he would tell me if he didn’t want to be with me anymore. he swore that when i told him i felt unsecure with Lauren in the mix, that i had nothing to worry about when it came to her.

we’ve been having some problems, sure. mostly over the most retarded things, like the house not being clean or his lack of paying bills. nothing that couldn’t be worked out. apparently however, our relationship has been “over for months now” — at least according to him.

i thought i had finally found the end-all and be-all ONE. apparently i was made a fool. i won’t be a fool again. never ever again. i won’t let Roxy grow up in that kind of environment, thinking that it’s okay for a man to treat you like shit no matter how hard you strive for his love and affection. i won’t have her growing up thinking it’s okay if your man cheats on you. i won’t have her grow up thinking it’s okay to see mommy crying at home alone while daddy is out all night who knows where with who knows who.

this is going to be a big change for Roxy and myself, but i’m a strong person. i have to be for Roxy. she’s my number one priority. now i can focus on her and myself. no more worrying about walking on eggshells or doing things just to avoid confrontation.

i’m going to get through this and i’m going to be better than ever before. this is his loss and he will be the one having this eat away at him every day for the rest of his life. i did all that i could and then some.. i gave 150% while he was giving maybe 10%. live and learn and just breathe…

ugh.

Sat, 24 Jul 2010 19:44:25 -0400

i love being a mom more than anything in the entire world, but it sucks that Nick and i can never go out together. it’s always either i go out and he stays home with Rox or he goes out and i sit home [which happens much more often]..

my mom is really the only person we ever have to watch Roxy late cuz she usually stays over if w’re gonna be out late. i wish we trusted more people or at least had someone who could come and just chill [or i should say sweat] at our house and take advantage of digital cable and netflix for a few hours or something so that we could go out together. i always hate asking my mom to watch her because i don’t want to ask her too much.

i haven’t been to one of Nick’s shows in i don’t even know how long. it makes me so sad that his friends and coworkers have seen him play more times in probably one month than i ever have. i probably get to one show once every six months.. it sucks.

it’s not bad enough that i have very few friends, but i can’t even really make friends because i never go anywhere. i would love to be friends with everyone from the shop, but how am i supposed to establish friendships when i hardly ever see any of them and when i do it’s such a limited amount of time?

his cousin’s birthday party was today and it was definitely a good time. i got to hang out there with Roxy for about an hour. i really wish i could have stayed all night. i was having a really good time..

i’m so tired of having my life consist of 85% of it being spent sitting on this fucking couch with the laptop on my lap. i don’t take for granted the time i do get to go out, but i wish i could go out with Nick and friends and stuff. i would rather be able to go out with Nick and friends rather than just some of my friends so much, but it never gets to happen.

oh well… :(

i want pink fucking hair.

Fri, 23 Jul 2010 22:26:27 -0400

too bad my hair hates me and won’t bleach out anymore.. :( :( :(

as i was previewing this before uploading it, Roxy kept saying...

Sat, 17 Jul 2010 13:59:45 -0400

[Flash 10 is required to watch video.]

as i was previewing this before uploading it, Roxy kept saying hi!! to the video Roxy.. so cute hahah

maybe someday..

Fri, 16 Jul 2010 23:21:00 -0400

…i won’t have to explain everything out a hundred fucking times.

…plans won’t change at the drop of a hat to accommodate someone else.

…i won’t be here sitting home alone on a friday night.

…i’ll be a priority.

who am i kidding.

thought i’d try out the webcam? should i keep doing it or...

Thu, 15 Jul 2010 19:35:53 -0400

[Flash 10 is required to watch video.]

thought i’d try out the webcam? should i keep doing it or no? lol

things have been so crazy lately.. i’m not going to put everything into this blog but...

Mon, 12 Jul 2010 18:34:59 -0400

things have been so crazy lately.. i’m not going to put everything into this blog but i’m hoping we’re past the ups-and-downs and everything will just run smooth from here on out.

tia and i hung out on saturday at my “yard sale” and looked at all the old videos we recorded and even more ridiculous old pictures. oh my god.. we laughed til we were near tears. i’ve missed her so much. i’ve had friends since we stopped talking, but nothing ever felt as close as we were. i’m glad we’re talking again [i know you just posted something along these lines, tia, but i was so thinking the same thing.] life really is too short to let stupid shit get in the way.. i’ve seen way too many friends in their caskets over the past few years. i don’t want to have to think “i wish i would/could have..” about anyone ever again. i’m 22 and i’ve already had to say goodbye to almost a dozen people. it’s depressing. it’s been two years since Paul passed away and i can still hear his voice in my head. it breaks my heart that Kelly never got to meet Roxy.. i remember her rubbing my belly and talking to her.

there’s so much that has been missed out on over silly things in my life, whether it was friends or even my own mother.

on the workfront, i’m completely miserable. i wish i would have taken the dollar paycut and took a position in the cd department with keith. i wouldn’t be nearly as stressed as i am currently. i hope something changes soon. i think c3i is going to lose the takeda account. i don’t know if there’s enough positions on other desks to cover all of us if that does happen. i wouldn’t complain if i had to collect again. i would enjoy it a lot.. i’d have more time with Roxy.. maybe i’d even be able to go to school? who knows. i don’t want to get my hopes up though haha.

31 days until my vacation starts…

FUCK YOU.

Sat, 03 Jul 2010 23:14:46 -0400

FUCK YOU.

productive!

Fri, 25 Jun 2010 23:27:36 -0400

sooo since i’ve been home and nick’s playing a show at rockstars, i have done a shit load of laundry. all the dirty laundry is down in the basement and separated. two loads of mine and nick’s are hung and folded, one load of roxy’s hung and folded, a load in the washer, a load in the dryer.. i’m on a roll.

i’m on the fourth episode of “Hung” on HBO onDemand. it’s alright.. not anything super great lol.

tomorrrrrrrrrrow, roxy and i are gonna spend the day at my mom’s then tomorrow night nick is gonna stay home and watch roxy and i’m gonna go for sushi with krysta then we’re going out. no idea where or what is going on but i’m excited to get the fuck out!